Wednesday, July 2, 2025

Free Weed

 

Time for a True Story: I was down on Library Mall some time ago when some students handed me a red plastic cup full of dirt, and they said that if I watered it, I'd get flowers. I did water it faithfully, and it grew and had some little white flowers.


Know what this is? It's American Black Nightshade, aka a weed. And I can prove it's a weed, because yesterday when I came into my office, it had shriveled up like I hadn't watered it in weeks. I debated about throwing it away, since it's a WEED and all, but I felt bad for it and watered it. And you know it's a weed because within twenty minutes it looked like this. No plant you would actually want to grow would recover so completely when just a few minutes earlier it was all desiccated and already looking dead. The real question is why did these agricultural club students want to promote themselves by giving me a cup full of WEEDS?

Speaking of weed, at our weekly department meeting this morning, the chair was saying that as she cleaned out her old office in preparation for moving back into it from the chair office, she found a really old bus schedule for Route E from when all the bus routes had letters. Then they went to numbers, and now they have either, or both, like my route the D2. I said I remembered that, and one day these two young guys who were clearly stoned had grabbed a bunch of the schedules and were making words with them, and one guy said, "Dude, I spelled Jamaica!" Later I mentioned that last week was my eighth anniversary in the department, and two of the others were reminiscing about taking a walk on one's first day where they got baked, meaning it was hot out, but another coworker said, "You got baked?" and I said, "Did you make words out of bus schedules?"

Speaking of buses, the other day Travalon and I saw a car with a license plate that said "1 Big D," and I was surprised because it was a family-type car and not a sports car like you'd expect from someone bragging about his size on his license plate, and then we saw the Big Bendy B Bus, but I accidentally called it the Big D Bus. Now before the shuttle I always took the D bus (technically the D2, since there's also a D1 bus), and it had never struck me as dirty before, but somehow the Big D Bus sounds dirty.

Stand by for some important DuoLingo announcements:



You may now return to your previously scheduled activity. Thank you for your attention to this matter.


Famous Hat

No comments:

Post a Comment