Friday Afternoon Famous Hat Musings

Here are some more random musings of mine:

Last night I went to the Lutherans’ Ascension service instead of the Latin Mass at my own church for a number of reasons (dinner beforehand, music during the service, choir practice afterwards), and the pastor had misplaced his sermon so he ad-libbed, and it was the funniest sermon I have ever heard! My favorite line was probably when he was talking about going to the dentist earlier that day, and he told the hygienist that “We’re gonna get Jesus in our teeth tonight!” I got to wondering, do people actually do a better job under pressure? Would his sermon have been nearly as funny if he had preached the one he had carefully written? Probably not. Back in college I used to write my papers the night before they were due in a caffeine-fueled frenzy, and I would always get A’s and comments about what great papers they were. One day I decided not to procrastinate… and that paper only got a B. The lesson was clear, and I went back to my old system.

They say St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, but they do not specify what sort of vehicle he used. I was thinking about it and imagined his ride as a tricked-up sky blue Lincoln Towncar with bad@$$ rims and a monster stereo system with sick bass, but maybe Pat was a sensible guy and drove a Honda Accord. Or maybe for that many snakes he had to use a semi…? It’s so hard to say, since nobody gave any indication of exactly how many snakes went on this road trip with him. And what was their destination? The closest place is England, but you can’t drive there, and nobody says he “sailed” the snakes out of Ireland. No, they clearly indicate that he “drove” them. So maybe he had some kind of hovercraft.

I am very frustrated with Garage Band because it does not appear to have the capacity to play twelve-bar blues in its Magic Band function. There are a “blues” function and a “slow blues” function, but they are eight bars… and major key! I need a minor key blues backup band that can play in twelve bars, helloooo, this is supposed to be the blues and that means sad, right? The reason I need this is because I am attempting to write a sequel to “Salsa Linguistica” called “The Booted Out Blues,” which would fit perfectly with the instrumental part of Robert Johnson’s “Crossroads,” since that must be the song I think of when I think of the blues. Twelve bars and minor key. It’s very sad, because it’s a song about how ash and thorn were booted out of the English alphabet even though they would be perfectly useful today, seeing as how they represent sounds we still use in English.

That’s enough musing for one Friday. Feel free to add your own musings in the comments.

Famous Hat