I once had a coworker who told me that when her son was
young, he came home from school one day crying his eyes out. She asked what was
wrong, and he said the other kids had been yelling at him. She asked what they
were yelling, thinking they were making fun of him, but he said they were
yelling: “Stop!” Puzzled, she asked why they would yell that at him, and he
said because he was poking them with a pencil. This story fascinated me,
because I think I was much like that as a child: completely unaware of my
effect on others and hurt by their reactions to me. Maybe not so extreme that I
was physically wounding them, but I probably said mean things and then was devastated
that they said mean things back to me.
This got me to thinking. I know adults who still seem to act
like this: they will do something really cruel to you and then be honestly
puzzled that you avoid them or get angry. The people who seem to be the most
successful in life are those who are keenly aware of their effect on others,
because they know how to have a good effect and therefore get what they want
from others. People who have no awareness of their effect on others bumble
along and then wonder why the world is out to get them. I have worked very hard
to become aware of the effect of my behavior on other people, and I have seen a
change in the way they react to me, but for a lot of people this seems to come
naturally, while other people seem completely incapable of learning the lesson.
I wonder why that is?
Famous Hat
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