Da Pope

 

Today I had to get a bunch of stuff done before my coworker leaves on vacation, but I was mightily distracted by the conclave. Mid-morning I saw that there was white smoke, and then I was horrified to learn that they had elected a Pope from the USA. What?? Isn't it crazy enough here with our Tangerine Palpatine? Did we have to extend that crazy to the worldwide church?? He took the name Leo XIV, which is funny because he's not a Leo, he's a Virgo - I immediately googled his age to see how long we'd be stuck with him, and he's not even seventy. Also, he's from Chicago. At lunch I walked with Hardingfele, who asked if he was a Cubs fan, so I googled it, and at that time it said he was. Later in the day his brother confirmed that as a Southsider, he was of course a White Sox fan. Boo! The funniest thing is that this was apparently one of the top Google searches about the Pope today.

As the day went on, I thought about how the Cardinals elected a Polish Pope while Poland was deep in the clutches of Communism, and it made me wonder if maybe they had elected an American Pope while we are deep in the clutches of whatever cluster this is, and he will help destroy it like Pope John Paul II helped destroy Communism in Eastern Europe. Also, it became apparent online that the worst people were freaking out about this new Pope, which is always a good sign. Someone had posted a poem that went something like this:

Cassocks are red,

Conclaves are dope.

Wake up, babe, we got a 

(And then a tweet from a crazy right wing woman)

WOKE MARXIST POPE!

That really made my day. Apparently this guy spent a lot of time in Peru, and most of his recent tweets have been retweets of people critical of Dear Leader's immigration policies. His older tweets were in support of people protesting police brutality against black people. Hey, if he realizes Dear Leader is the Antichrist, then I'm all for this new Pope. Viva Leo XIV!

Famous Hat