XENON!

Toque McToque and I have been busy thinking up possible studies we can submit for NIH grants. Of course there is the Tropical Origins of the Rabbit Study, but we have identified some other issues that deserve further scrutiny and lots of federal dollars:

Apparently a hamburger served between two halves of a donut instead of a bun is called a “Luther Vandross burger,” which would seem to imply that he invented this monstrosity, or at least indulged in it with frightening frequency. Luther Vandross is dead. This cannot possibly be a coincidence.

People who have a great deal of exposure to cats often are infected with the Toxoplasma protozoan. This nasty little bug invades the brain and makes people act crazy. Do places with higher levels of cat ownership have higher levels of insanity? For example, some cultures think dogs are unclean so they keep cats as pets instead. These cultures tend to be located between Africa and Asia, if you see what I am trying to say without using any words that will cause a death sentence to be put on me. This is an area also known for producing people who like to blow things up. Is this a coincidence??? Perhaps a study should be done. Since toxoplasmosis in rodents makes them less afraid of cats and therefore more likely to be eaten, thus spreading the pathogen, it stands to reason that it could also make humans less afraid of dangers. This should really be studied.

Then again, if the NIH is not willing to fund any of these studies, I do have a backup plan:  word sculptor!  I am going to sculpt the word "xenon" in bronze and in wood and in iron and in ice and in gold and in glass and - my magnum opus - in a glass tube that I will then fill with xenon and light up.  Xenon lights up blue, in case you were wondering.
 
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