The Syrian Equivalent of Six Flags

I was telling Toque McToque a story about a coworker whose high school-age son is on a class trip to an exotic foreign country. I said wow, when I was in school, we went to the state park down the road for our class trips, and my coworker said in his day they went to the equivalent of a Six Flags amusement park. Since this guy grew up in Syria, Toque was wondering what the Syrian equivalent of a Six Flags would be, and she found this online. Good work, Agent McToque.

For all you sadistic parents out there I have observed over the years, you don’t have to go all the way to Damascus to show your rugrats a good time that will leave them screaming in terror. There are all kinds of entertainment options in this country to show them how much you wish they had never been born, starting with scary knock-offs of a Six Flags amusement park.

Rickety Rides: Strap the kiddies in and you get ten minutes to yourself as they spin around on something that looks like it was built at the start of the Industrial Revolution. If one of them pukes afterwards, that’s just icing on the cake, but it’s a total win if one barfs during the ride, sharing the joy with all the other ankle biters.

Throw Them to the Goats: Farm animals are dangerous. Why do you think farmers have so many children? So they can tag team the rooster while collecting eggs. (Also, that way if you run over one or two with the combine, you still have a bunch left.) What could be more fun – for you – than forcing a tiny child into a pen full of goats that are bigger than she is? Added entertainment value is generally available for 25 cents in the form of food to put into your tot’s hand, in case her clothes weren’t attracting enough attention from the goats’ mouths.

Museums: Let’s face it, this one is win-win because you can claim you are exposing the little darlings to “culture” when you are really exposing them to “ennui.” Make sure it is not one of those sneaky museums that has an area catering to children. There must be nothing they can touch, and they must stay absolutely silent. Remember, if they can’t keep it up, you have every excuse to take them out and wallop them.

This is why I don't have children.  If I wanted to torture people, there are plenty of them here at work who actually deserve it.
 
Famous Hat