The Tale of the FOX and the Paper Towels

Not to brag or anything, but this afternoon they told me I was the fastest blood donor all day.  Five minutes, thirteen seconds, baby!!  That's a whole liter of awesome right there.

I am going to violate my own rule regarding not blogging about work because, well, I am really angry now.  Plus it must be a funny story, judging from other people's reactions.  So this past week there was a day, let's call it Peon Appreciation Day, when bosses everywhere have to pretend they can stand their underlings.  Personally I think this day should be banished, even if I do get free lunch out of it, because I'm not into feigning that we all love each other for a day.  Fortunately hubie, who refers to me as his "secretary" every other day of the year (except Christmas, natch) somehow forgets I am his alleged secretary on this day...  but another evil overlord never does.  I will not even reveal this person's gender and I will refer to this person as FOX because, as Toque McToque and I have noted, this person is not interested in hearing the other side of the story, at least when it is MY side.  (I apologize to my conservative readers for that reference but you know it's true.)  So FOX had declared we would have lunch at noon, purchased with FOX's own funds from a wonderful local Italian restaurant.  And when you think Italian food, you think of marinara sauce, right?  So here's how it went down:

At a quarter to noon, FOX burst into my office, holding a bag containing our lunches, and shoved it into my arms, barking, "It's leaking!  No, hold it from the BOTTOM!"  So I stood there getting marinara sauce all over my hands as FOX disappeared, I assumed to the nearby restroom to retrieve some paper towels.  Meanwhile Light Bright ambled back into the office, I explained my quandry, and she found some paper towels in her desk.  Just then FOX rushed back into the office, sans paper towels... and immediately snatched away the paper towels Light Bright had just found for me!  (Toque insisted that verb is better than "stole" so just ignore how dirty it sounds.)  I meekly said, "I need some paper towels too," and FOX snarled at me, "Take it to the lunch room!" just exactly as if I didn't need to lock my computer or, you know, take the bathroom break I had planned to take in the quarter hour before the scheduled beginning of lunch.  So my point is this:  bosses, I for one would rather we just ignore this whole Peon Appreciation Day thing than that you feel obligated to buy me lunch and then use it as an opportunity to demonstrate your real feelings about me.  (As if I didn't already know.)

This is one FOX who is not quick, not brown, and not jumping over any lazy dogs.  Oh, and lunch (what hadn't leaked, anyway) was delicious.

Famoous Hat