Yesterday I saw Toque McToque’s office mate Intellectual Dilettante (you can read her blog here) on the bus, and she was telling me how they have a student hourly who also works in a lab with mice. She said she went straight to the mental playground equipment (nobody can out-metaphor Intellectual Dilattente) and was imagining what his duties might entail (pun intended). He told her his job in the lab is selecting which genetically modified mice to breed. She said, “So you’re in charge of Eek Harmony?” Then we were imagining the questionnaire these poor mice have to fill out in order for this guy to pair them together:
The Eek Harmony Compatibility Questionnaire
Are you a knockout mouse? ____ yes ______ no ______ just average
Please list all modified genes: __________________________________
Religion: ____________________________
Astrological Sign: ____________________
Hobbies: __________________________________________________
Favorite Type of Cheese: ____________________________________
On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being “not at all important” and 10 being “extremely important,” rate the following traits in a potential mate:
Honesty: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Intelligence: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Attractiveness: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Length of Tail: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Size of Ears: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
How many babies would you like to have? ________________
Please attach a color photo of yourself. We will get back to you within three business days to let you know if you have met our rigorous standards. For stories of successful pairings, check our website under “Love Tails.”
Famous Hat
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
As a former breeder of knockout mice, I can tell you that not all mice are compatible. Sometimes, it takes several males to get the female interested. Other times, the mice are so into each other that they regularly produce litters every 3 weeks. For the reluctant breeders, we thought perhaps music and a bit of wine may be a nudge in the right direction. And of course bitchy females that bite, well, that is a cross species issue
Maybe the female mice wouldn't have been such little bitchkins (Hardingfele's word for Cashmere) if you had matched them using the Eek Harmony Compatibility Questionnaire. Just sayin.'
I just came across your blog and wanted to drop you a note telling you how impressed I was with the information you have posted here.
Career Questionnaire
Post a Comment