Did you ever have a neighbor you had never met personally, and yet you felt as if you knew everything about them? There is a crazy old lady in my neighborhood who has an adult male cat she always talks to very loudly as if he were a naughty five-year-old boy. This cat has a distinctly unmanly name (let’s say Yancy), and I couldn’t help thinking that if I were that cat and had to listen to the old lady constantly carping at me, “Yancy, sit down! Yancy, stay put!” then I would go totally cat-insane, whatever that looks like. It would seem Yancy did have similar feelings, because a few days ago he ran away. Then I felt bad about my nasty thoughts, because how would I feel if my rabbits ran away from home? As if he were reading my mind, Charlie ran over and started snuggling me while outside we could hear the crazy old lady hollering, “Yancy! Yaaaaancy!”
So maybe my bunnies would not abandon me even if they could, but that got me to thinking about their list of demands, if they should ever learn to write. I mean, these are some tough rabbits – Charlie has a tattoo and Cashmere has tried to kill several of us – so I don’t want to get on their bad side!
To: The Human
From: The Rabbits
Re: Reasonable Requests
1. Daily bananas. This shouldn’t be that hard. They sell them at any grocery store. It’s not like we’re asking for starfruit here, but hey, as long as you’re at the grocery store, check and see if they have any.
2. Charlie requests no less than one hour of snuggling per day.
3. Cashmere requests that you no longer try to pass off vegetables as “food.” They are not edible, like say electrical cords and yoga mats, even if Charlie insists on eating them.
4. Would you CLEAN THE LITTERBOX already!
5. Stop doing secret stuff like solving word game puzzles, praying the rosary, reading murder mysteries, etc. You know how it drives us NUTS when you are really interested in something and we can’t tell why!
6. Phone conversations shall be limited to ten minutes. Any longer than that and we will resort to our usual protest method of sitting on your feet.
7. You must stay home at least three evenings a week. This is not too much to ask. After all, you have to get that hour of snuggling in with Charlie, and Cashmere likes being able to stare at you, even if she doesn’t particularly want to have anything to do with you. Come on, she lets you hold her for two minutes at least once a month.
8. Sylvia says stop using the kitchen. OK, we think maybe that’s a little drastic, but she’s a hedgehog. Drastic is all she knows.
9. Quit going out on the balcony to take care of the plants. If you needed to take care of them, you should have kept them inside. And why do you care if Cashmere likes to munch on them, anyway? You’re always getting on her case about not eating fresh food, and what could be fresher than your asparagus fern?
10. We don’t actually have ten demands. We’re reasonable rabbits.
Famous Hat
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3 comments:
News update - good news!! Yancy came home last night! His mama is very relieved.
Thank God. I thought you were referring to me as the crazy old lady. And then I thought which male cat name, Buddy or Vinny is unmanly, but then neither cat is 5. Tell her to get the cat chipped or invest in a good cat fence like mine
The cat is chipped. I told you that already.
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