Famous Hat's Guide to Research Terms

If you spend too much time around doctors (too much = any at all), then you may have encountered some of their bewildering vocabulary. The problem is just compounded when they do research. For example, here are some common research terms, which I have defined for your convenience:

Adverse event: having a bad day
Double-blind study: both the subjects and the researchers have their eyes removed; see also Rex, Oedipus
Grand Rounds: filet mignon
Knockout mouse: a fabulously attractive rodent
M&M Conference: discussion of colorful little candies that had REALLY bad days
Placebo: fake tobacco made of plastic

I have compiled the above terms in a brief synopsis so that you can see how they are used by those in the know:

In a recent triple-blind study, three blind mice could not tell which mouse was the knockout mouse, so each one assumed it was and strutted about accordingly. They had to attend a conference, but how would they find their way? Easy – follow their noses! The aroma of the Grand Rounds led them to the right room. The next conference was the M&M one, where they discussed a small green candy that had smoked some placebo and experienced an adverse event.

And here is a jungle cake done by my former coworker, who is a doctor but a good one. Sorry for the poor quality of the photo; I had to "steal" it from a website that wanted me to order prints using the printscreen function and Paint.

Jungle Cake

Famous Hat