True Story: Iowa Police Log

As we discussed yesterday on this blog, Iowa is an advantageous state in at least one way, in that it is one of the least litigious states in the nation. Also, in my personal experience, the moment you cross the border, you are greeted by the governor. However, our banjo player told me a story last night that makes me think of what we used to say Iowa stood for back in Minnesota: I Owe the World an Apology. (Or, if an Iowegian is driving in front of you, Idiot On Wheels Ahead.) Here is the gist of the story:

Banjo Player’s son is just starting his freshman year at a college in Iowa City, and he is taking an astronomy class with a lab. The lab (which is led by a teaching assistant) meets on the roof of a building on campus once a week to do some stargazing, and this week the TA decided for some reason to provide the students with laser pointers. As you can imagine, laser pointers and teenage boys are a potent combination, and two of the students (not including Banjo Player’s son) started pointing them at random people passing by.

If you guessed this would trigger a visit from the cops, would you have known that it would be considered a weapons offense? That’s right, apparently laser pointers are now weapons. After all, some of them can do some serious eye damage, although my guess is the TA was handing out cheap laser pointers that were more for effect than anything. The cops were all mad and said if the two boys involved didn’t fess up, they would get all the students expelled. Banjo Player thinks the professor might have been able to de-fuse the situation more successfully than the TA, but as far as she knows, her son is not currently in danger of being expelled. She did show me the entry in the police activity log, under “Weapons Offense.” Looks like Light Bright may not be on her honeymoon after all; perhaps she has a new job as a dispatcher for the Iowa City Police! Check out this actual entry:

THERE ARE SOMEONE ON TOP OF VAN ALLEN HALL. SHE STATED THEY FOLLOWED HER WITH A LAZER POINTER A GREEN ONE AND A RED ONE. ABOUT 3 MINS AGO. SHE DIDN^T HEAR ANYTHING OR SEE ANY FOR A DISCRIPTION. POSS LAZER POINTER FROM A GUN

That’s right, it was poss(ibly) a “lazer” (is that a more lazy?) pointer from a gun. The fact that it was just a couple of college freshmen with cheap laser pointers should have been the end of the incident. I will let you know if there are any updates in the Case of the Iowa Lazers.

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Today's Fun Fact

They say you should learn something new every day, and I sure did today, courtesy of an ad for our trainees. I love how these ads try to make unglamorous places sound fabulous so that trainees will actually ponder moving there, but this one included an important fact:

Iowa is one of the least litigious states in the nation.

Did you know that? Are you in danger of being sued? If so, you might want to consider moving to the lovely metropolis of Des Moines, which is a French spelling of a Lakota phrase meaning "No Lawyers Allowed."

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True Adventure: Best State Welcome Ever

One beautiful fall day a bunch of us, including Rich and A-Fooze and Cecil Markovitch, went to a state park to check out the beautiful foliage. This state park is on the bluffs above the Mississippi River, and on the other side of the river, in Iowa, is a state park called Pike's Peak. (Apparently it is named after the same Pike as the far more famous mountain in Colorado.) We decided to voyage over there and check out the autumn foliage from the other side, which was equally beautiful. Pike's Peak towers above a tiny town called McGregor, and on a kiosk on top of the peak was a poster stating that McGregor had been "Capital for a Day" when the governor had spent a day there.

"Hey, guys," I said, "check it out! The governor came to McGregor!"

From around the side of the kiosk an unfamiliar voice said incredulously, "Really? The governor came to McGregor?" and then a man stepped out from behind the kiosk and said, "Hi! I'm Chet Culver, the governor of Iowa!"

A quick glance at the poster was enough for me to confirm that he was not lying. He warmly welcomed us to Iowa and hoped that we enjoyed our visit there. In fact, our visit of maybe an hour was perfectly wonderful. How many states, I ask you, have a governor who welcomes you the moment you cross the border?

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