Yidversary Party (Were They Ever Jewbacca?)

 

This morning we got up in time to go to our usual Mass, but then I got sick. I still didn't feel well enough to go to the later Mass, so we just sat around watching YouTube videos about Splash Mountain and Song of the South. Eventually we ventured out to the mall to get some walking in, and Travalon got a haircut. I bought a blanket with brightly-colored mushrooms on it from the rude workers at Spencer's Gifts. You know you are old when the teenyboppers working at the shops in the mall treat you like a nonentity, even when your money is just as valid of currency as that of someone younger and cooler... and you probably have more of it to spend. Travalon got a Funko Pop of Baby Yoda.

We went to 5 pm Mass at our usual church, which was shockingly crowded. I'd always heard that Mass is so lightly attended that they have thought about getting rid of it. Also, the homily was really long, but it would have been the same one at 9 am. Then we went to the Harmony Bar to see Yid Vicious, who were celebrating their 27th "Yidversary" as a band. I thought they had been around even longer than that, like back when I was in college, but that might have been a different klezmer band. I remember once seeing one called Jewbacca at the long-gone Cafe Montmartre up on the Square when I was in college. That made me wonder if the remnants of Jewbacca had reformed into Yid Vicious. I can see it now: some people in the band graduated and moved on, but the ones who stayed in town were like, "Why not start another klezmer band with a punny name?" I don't actually have an answer to this burning question, but we did get free Yid Vicious CDs with our entry fee. We sat at a table with some nice people we didn't know and had dinner while the band told terrible jokes ("What do they sing at Jewish-Catholic weddings? The 'Oy Vey Maria'!") and had guests join them that included a guy who "played" the plastic bags. How do you play plastic bags? Apparently you just shake them. They played a medley of standard klezmer tunes with surf guitar that they called "Dead Sea Surfing," and they also played a song by hip hop star Jason Derulo as a klezmer tune. Meanwhile, the same four people who had to be at least fifteen years older than I am, if not more, danced the whole time, and they were really good. I was once at an excellent New Year's Eve party at the lead dancer's house, and his entire basement is a dance floor. People sure do love klezmer music - when our band plays it, everyone in the audience loves it. Yet somehow those songs keep falling off our set list...

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The Best Years of Your Life!

Why are adults always saying things to teenagers like, "These are the best years of your life! Be sure to enjoy them!" No wonder the teenage suicide rate is so high! Have these people completely forgotten what it's like to be a teenager?? In case you have forgotten, let me remind you: Acne. Peer pressure. Hormones out of control. Everyone really IS watching what you do. Too old for kiddie discounts, too young for R-rated movies. Too young to drive, too old to play with your favorite toys without your friends laughing at you. Minimum-wage jobs. Being dumped by a significant other or shunned by the popular group is the END OF THE WORLD.

Now I really like teenagers, they are much more interesting than children, but I see no need to lie to them. I always say don't believe the hype, it only gets better and better from now on. Once you leave adolescence, you can do fun things like have slumber parties without any adults there - because you ARE the adults! - and instead of making shakes in the blender, you can make grasshoppers or daquairis. If you feel like driving to Tennessee for the weekend, hey, be my guest. Instead of saving up for stupid designer jeans that you only want because everyone else is wearing them, you can save your money for trips to the tropics or the furniture you REALLY want. Tell teenagers something like this, and their eyes light up. Remind them that adolescence is a temporary state of insanity and not the zenith of their existence, and they practically weep with relief. And they know you are telling the truth, because teens can spot BS three miles away.

I remember one example of propaganda that backfired when I was a teen: for some reason one day in our civics class we had two cute, bouncy Israeli teens just a couple of years older than ourselves show up to talk to us. Since they were children themselves and had no particular accomplishments to boast of, they just mentioned some things about their families (I remember they were both the oldest child) and their schools. One boy and one girl, they were not particularly Semitic-looking, and we were puzzled about why they were there. When the boy asked us if we knew where Israel was, pulling down the world map, a guy in our class asked them if they resented the fact that Orthodox Jews were the most hard-core about holding onto the Occupied Territories and yet they were the only ones who didn't have mandatory military service because of their religious beliefs. The two kids blanched, and the boy weakly said, "Oh... so you know something about the problems in our country." At that moment I suddenly realized that they were there to sell us on the idea that Israel is Our Friend and Palestinians are Bad. Of course, the Palestinians did not have the money to send perky, photogenic teens all over the US to tell us what great friends they were with us. And since that day I have been extremely sympathetic to the Palestinians, the Basques, the Catholics in Northern Ireland, and other suppressed peoples. (Although I do NOT support terrorism. Suppression is no reason to kill innocent people.)

In some ways, teenagers are very clear-sighted, perhaps because they tend not to see shades of gray. When I was in high school in the 80's, everyone was terrified of the Soviet Union, but I wrote a paper for that same civics class in 1988 (before the fall of the Berlin Wall) about how the Soviet Union was not the greatest threat, Islamic terrorism was. Now if a stupid little 16-year-old teenybopper could see that, it must have been in plain view for everyone to see, but the adults were too blinded by their fear of Communism to see the ensuing threat on the horizon. I'm not saying teenagers could have prevented September 11, but they may have things to tell us and we shouldn't disregard their often keen insights.

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