Happy Birthday = Hot!

Yesterday I did not write a post because, frankly, I didn't do much of anything besides eat and watch movies. Lest you think this was a colossal waste of time, let me assure you that in fact it was a MARATHON - a Lord of the Rings marathon, to be precise. (Anyway, you got two posts on Friday, so it all averages out.) We sat watching the extended versions of all three movies from 10 am (pancakes) to almost 11 pm, with a cold cuts break around 1:00 and a pizza break around 7:00, and of course plenty of snacks and beverages at all times. (My contribution was cookies that tasted like Girl Scout Thin Mints, only they are adult-sized. As one guy said, "Girl Scout cookies on steroids!") During one break, someone brought a slice of cake with one candle on it into the living room, announcing: "Tomorrow is someone's birthday!" I figured they meant JRR Tolkien, but actually they meant me! I did not even know they knew it would be my birthday today! A birthday, by the way, which I am very proud to share with JRR, or as his friends called him, Ron. Most of us stuck it out through the whole thing, including one of the B-Boys, but Rich only came for the first movie because he was hosting a birthday party that night for someone whose birthday was back at the end of November. This sounds like a much crazier time than the marathon, complete with numerous party goers who did not even know the birthday "girl," a group who were going to put on a mummer's play that would "only offend Republicans" - until they found out about 50% of the people at the party were, and a strung-out woman who showed up right at the end of the night trying to make phone calls on Rich's phone to a nonexistent area code.

Today I had a very good birthday. After Mass the choir treated me to brunch, then Rich threw a party for me and tons of people came. A number of them must read this blog, because I would introduce them to each other with their legal names and then what I call them, and then they'd be like, "Oh, YOU'RE so-and-so!" They were joking that we needed name tags with both monikers on them. At some point someone referred to Cecil Markovitch as Serbian when he is actually of Croatian heritage, and he said, "We don't use that S-word around here!" (His other catch phrase: "What a feast!") This led to an impromptu game of describing our heritage in the most derogatory terms we could think of, like Hardingfele is a kike and A-Joz is a polack and of course Rich is a dago, but until the Banjo Player showed up, I was the only one in the room with any WASP blood. Seriously, it was so embarrassing to realize I was the only one who had ancestors who were slave owners. (At least on my dad's side they were a bunch of paddy macks fresh off the boat who never owned other people!) Luckily Banjo Player has both kike and WASP blood, so then I was not alone. Banjo Player said there used to be an entire magazine devoted to derogatory terms, I forget what she said it was called. I am still waiting for a really good derogatory word for white people in general, because I'm sorry, but "cracker" just doesn't cut it. There are some good ones in Mexican Spanish and Hawaiian that could be contenders.

So here's a shout-out to the people who read this blog that were there today: Rich, A-Fooze, A-Joz, Banjo Player, Tiffy, and Anna Banana II. Other people who were there but I don't think ever read it included both B-Boys and Mo-Girl, Cecil Markovitch, Kathbert, and a number of others I have not mentioned so no point in making up names to protect the guilty. In fact, every time the doorbell rang, I was shocked because I already thought everyone I knew was jammed into Rich's house. Anna Banana II made a delicious chicken, spinach, and sun-dried tomato casserole thing, and at my request (and for the sake of the vegetarians), Rich made spinach souffle that, in his words, "wasn't very souffly," but it tasted fine. He also made the traditional Black Magic cake, which Hardingfele frosted and inscribed with a mysterious inscription that seemed to read: "Happy Birthday = Hot." While I am not opposed to the sentiment, I was a bit puzzled by it, but it turns out she had written: "Happy Birthday F Hat." (As in Famous Hat.) Unfortunately nobody took a photo of this masterpiece, so I am unable to post it here.

I did not request any loot, but some people brought tribute anyway; Tiffy gave me an agate pendant, A-Fooze gave me a slice of tres leches cake (Cecil decided that meant "three leeches" cake), the one B-Boy and Mo-Girl gave me macadamia nuts, and Banjo Player gave me some refrigerator magnates that look like mints. (I also got wine, a high-quality chocolate bar, an unkalung Christmas CD, and a restaurant gift certificate from people who have not been mentioned previously in this blog, so I am not ignoring them so much as being lazy in not thinking up aliases for them.) If I neglected to mention you and/or your gift, it is a reflection of my advanced age (twenteen-something) affecting my memory, and not on you or your gift. I love all my friends! Thanks for the great birthday party!

Famous Hat