Questions to Ponder

Last night I was discussing with Richard Bonomo how we could make my Anglo-Saxploitation flick, aka. Beowulf meets Shaft, and I said using hats might be too hard so maybe we could do stop-motion using drinking glasses. "After all," I said, "one of those amber-colored goblets you have would be perfect for Beowulf. And one of the tiki glasses my folks have would make a fantastic Grendel's mother." Rich allowed as how he had never actually considered what kind of drinking glass would make the most ideal actors for a movie version of Beowulf, shockingly enough. This got me to wondering about other questions I have pondered that likely have not been pondered by other people... and it's high time they should be!

What's it like to be a red blood cell? Why has nobody written a novel yet from the point of view of one?

Do ferns remember that their ancestors used to rule the world? Do they ever think to themselves, "Darn those angiosperms! We would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling blooming plants!"

At the Epiphany service at the Lutheran church, they kept invoking God with these weird titles I had never heard before, like "Inclusive God" and "Welcoming God." The Moslems have 99 names for God, but they are not that out there. I wonder what the oddest title is that God has been called? And which one is His favorite?

Should @$$hole be an ethnicity? But if it were, would they demand special protections? Would @$$holephobia become a crime? Would you be able to get a BS in @$$hole Studies from your more PC four-year universities? And what kind of job could you get with that?

Who would take it in a smackdown, a dime or a nickel? A dime is worth more, but the nickel has the size advantage.

I wonder if they will ever come up with a use for pumpkin guts and that little stem on the top? Then pumpkins would be the most efficient thing ever. You could use every part!

What were the people doing who discovered you could eat truffles or that you can write dirty words upside-down on a calculator? Were they actually trying to do that or did they discover it by accident?

Am I crazy for wondering these things? Don't answer that, unless you are trying to get an advanced degree in @$$hole Studies.

Famous Hat