Happy (Late) St. Patrick's Day!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, one day late. You may be wondering why I didn’t blog yesterday on such an important holiday, and I have a simple answer for you: I was sick. I spent the entire day sleeping under my Celtic cross blanket, which I bought from some monks’ catalogue, although you can apparently get it from Amazon.com. (At least, that is where I stole this picture of it from.) As annoying as I find the constant barrage of Celto-crap and Catholo-crap catalogues in my mailbox, at the point where these two craps intersect, I am a total sucker. That is, I will buy almost anything with a Celtic cross on it.

Since my St. Patrick’s Day yesterday was so terribly exciting, let me relate instead the story of my first St. Patrick’s Day a number of years ago. (The exact number is none of your business.) I was two and a half months old, and my Catholic grandma (Dad’s side) was panicking – what if I died and went to Limbo??? (Believe me, that would not have been good, because I can barely get under that stupid bar at the first level!) My mom’s family had always been Episcopalian, and they dunk their kids as babies too, but for some reason her parents had become Baptist, so they thought the whole thing should have waited another twelve years. The big plan was to have me baptized at the Easter Vigil, but at that rate I would have outgrown the family baptismal gown. It was made by my great-grandmother out of her wedding dress, and generations of us were baptized in it. I may have been the first baby baptized Episcopalian in it, but it didn’t take anyway, since I grew up and reverted to my father’s ancestral religion.

Today is my brother’s birthday, so two years later when he came along, my parents were hoping for the same plan (Easter Vigil), but he was so big that they couldn’t even wait that long or he would have outgrown the gown. (If you’re reading this, Legalmechman, Happy Birthday!) I don’t think his Episcopal baptism took either; not sure what he is today, but I’m pretty sure he’s not Episcopalian. (Feel free, Legalmechman, to leave a comment explaining your personal religious views.)

So where is the baptismal gown today? Good question. My father’s cousin has approximately 500 daughters with names that all rhyme (Maureen, Kathleen, Colleen, etc.), and they tell me that branch of the family was where the gown was last seen. Maybe it just reached the end of its natural life span and gave up the ghost, or whatever baptismal gowns have. So if I ever get married and have babies, I’ll just have to make my own wedding dress into a baptismal gown.

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