Pipe Dream

This morning I woke up from a dream where I was telling Toque McToque, "The economy's so bad, even the pot farmers have taken a hit!" Boo-yah! I keep wanting to quit my job, but everyone says there are no other jobs out there - even the temp agencies aren't calling people back! My current job would drive me to drinking except that it's already given me an ulcer. (Looks like I will be giving up caffeine for Lent after all.) So I wasn't in the office the other day, and Toque and Hardingfele thought I really had quit this time, but no. I was just making the doctor laugh almost as hard as the priest when I go to Confession. Here's how it went down:

I told the doctor I was waking up in the middle of the night all the time with excruciating stomach pains, after having weird dreams. Just that night I had dreamed that these two GI doctors were wandering around saying to each other how they hoped nobody discovered gastroenterology is really a pseudoscience, and then I woke up and realized my stomach really did hurt. The doctor (who is an internist, not a gastroenterologist) was practically rolling on the floor. I'm telling you, I should look into a career in stand-up comedy. It couldn't be any worse than my current gig!

Apropos to nothing, here is a little stuffed starfish I kyped from my part-time job at a grocery store, back when I was paying off Erin Caitlyn O'Honda. (OK, that's not entirely true - the manager who was always hopped up on Xanax gave it to me as a parting gift.) Here you can see that during the day it is a mild-mannered sea creature waving at you.

By night, it is a crazy disco-dancing marine animal showing off its "Saturday Night Fever" moves.

Mad props to Kathbert for suggesting the title of this post.

Famous Hat