Two Kinds of Irish

Once Richard Bonomo and I were discussing our ancestry and, as he always says, he is the product of a mixed marriage: his father was Italian and his mother is Sicilian. I said something about the two kinds of Irish, and he hadn't heard about it, so here for all five (welcome, Melodee!) of my readers, is my handy guide to the two types of Irish: Irish Catholic and Scotch Irish.

Handy Guide to Both Kinds of Irish

Area of origin
IC: Mostly southern part (when I told a native Corkian (?) that my father's family came from Cork, he said, "Why do all American Irish say their families came from Cork?")
SI: Northern Ireland

Patron saint
IC: St. Patrick
SI: What kinda Papist crap y'all tryin' to pull?

Area settled in US
IC: Northeastern US, especially Southy in Boston and Broad Channel in Queens
SI: Appalachia

Music
IC: jigs, reels, Tin Pan Alley schlock like "Tura Lura"
SI: anything with banjos

Stereoptypes
IC: shamrocks, leprechauns, drinking, fighting
SI: bad teeth, marrying cousins, "if you hear banjo music, paddle faster," drinking, fighting

Beverage of choice
IC: Guinness stout (Beamish stout also acceptable), whiskey
SI: anything made in a bathtub and kept in a jug with three X's on it

Reproduction
IC: like rabbits, if rabbits were ignoring the Church's teachings on contraception these days
SI: the fecundity of cockroaches and the consanguinity of ancient Egyptian royalty

Teeth
IC: good, now that they can afford modern orthodontry
SI: the toothbrush must have been invented in Appalachia, or it would have been called the "teethbrush"

Popular names
IC: Patrick, Sean, Michael, Kathleen, Mary
SI: Billy Bob, Bubba Joe, Bobbi Sue

Tanning ability
IC: slim to none
SI: same

How they celebrate their heritage
IC: dress up in green on St. Patrick's Day, have parades, drink green beer
SI: continuous celebration of the glories of White Trash Culture

Accomplishments
IC: organized the Catholic parochial school system, took over the Democratic party in big cities
SI: preserved Elizabethan-era English in isolated pockets, inspired numerous redneck jokes

I hope you find this guide helpful.

Famous Hat