Day of Learning

I hope my readers had a good weekend. Sorry that I didn’t blog yesterday, but Travalon and I were watching 80’s videos. This is a fascinating thing to do; for example, did you remember that the video for “Night and Day” by Al B. Sure! features lots of shots of downtown Manhattan, including the twin towers of the late World Trade Center? And while a lot of the people in these videos had a weird look peculiar to 80’s pop stars, the video for “Waiting on a Star to Fall” by Boy Meets Girl looks like it could have been made last week, since their hair and clothing are totally normal. They even take a selfie, but with a big old Polaroid.

Friday I took the day off of work and went to a really fascinating group of lectures called the Day of Learning, sponsored by the Class of 68 so I was the youngest one there. The first talk was a panel discussion of the riots on campus back in 67-68, by people who were there. The second one was a talk by an alumnus of the Class of 68, a retired astronaut who had flown the Space Shuttle three times. The third one was a talk on ethics in journalism, and the fourth one was the most interesting of all. A professor in the School of Human Ecology talked about ancient remedies for depression that she is studying: gut flora, heat treatments (like saunas and sweat lodges) and psychedelic drugs. The crazy thing is that they work! In the evening I met Travalon at the Union for Beers and Bites, a fun time trying samples of beer with appetizers. We sat with a very cool couple, and my old nemesis hUBIE from a previous job was there, but he seemed quite friendly now that we don’t have to work together.

Saturday we met Rich and the Single B-Boy for coffee, then my band had a gig at the apple orchard as we do every year. This year it was very cold, so my fingers were freezing, and we were down a fiddler so I was also playing melody most of the time. Had I known, I could have brought the actual fiddle. Travalon went to the Badger game while I met Tiffy and Rich for dinner, then Tiffy and I went to a concert of Bach and Handel. I just love hearing that non-equal temperament! Tiffy had spent the day at Old World Wisconsin with the other Rosary Ladies, learning about old beer brewing techniques, and I had planned to go too until being reminded that we had the gig. Ah well, I got $25 of produce for playing.

Yesterday Travalon and I had a coupon for $5 off brunch at a seafood restaurant, so we went there just to discover they aren’t open on Sundays anymore. This was in the same mall with Crema Café, so we just went there, and the lemon raspberry pancakes were amazing. Since the weather was lousy, we sat inside and watched the Packer game, which was also lousy, at least in the first half. Also, their kicker who is usually so reliable missed all five of his kicks, so they lost to the Lions. We watched a little of the Brewers game at Bierock (the Cubs are out of the playoffs so I’m pulling for the Brew Crew), then Rich had a going away party for his Brazilian housemate, and a bunch of the choir people were there, so we were all keeping track of the game via the internet. Travalon was happy because he has never seen so many people who care about sports at Rich’s house. The Brewers did win, so they swept the series, and everyone was in a good mood despite the dismal Packers performance earlier that afternoon.

Famous Hat

Another Anti-Equal Temperament Rant

Last night I went to the final Concert on the Square with Hockey Girl. The theme was Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, and I didn’t have as much enthusiasm about that as last week’s concert, which surprised Hockey Girl. “I’ve never met anyone who didn’t like Beethoven!” she said, and I said, “Really? I’ve met plenty of people who hate classical music,” so then she said, “People with no taste, but you like some good music.” For example, we both love Bach. It has always fascinated me that people are surprised that I would like Baroque music but not Romantic music, when to me they are nothing alike. I am a simple creature who likes things fast-paced and minor key, hence I love Baroque music, salsa, and hip hop. It doesn’t seem odd to me at all; in fact, it seems stranger to me that someone would love both Bach and Schubert than that someone would love both Bach and Tupac. Then I told Hockey Girl about tuning systems other than the dreaded Equal Temperament, and she was riveted. “Why have I never heard about this before?” she wondered, and I said it blew my mind too when I learned about it, but at least it explained some things, like why I was so loyal to a particular recording of Vivaldi’s L’Estro Armonico that I found out years later was not in equal temperament. It just sounded better to me than other recordings – well, of course it did! It sounded like what Vivaldi intended. I told Hockey Girl how in the Early Music Festival I had often noticed a magical note arising over the others, and then I found out it was an overtone that arises when people sing or play in perfect fourths and fifths. This, people, is what we have lost by buying into the evil compromise of equal temperament. Citizens for a Return Of Sanity to Sound (CROSS) would just like to remind everyone that it doesn’t have to be this way. Educate yourselves and choose sanity in sound!

Famous Hat

Lots of Early Music and Boating

I hope my readers had a good weekend. Sorry that I have been so silent, but I have been pretty busy. Thursday evening Travalon and I took a long boat ride out to the (apparently) nameless bay between Governor’s Island and Maple Bluff, and yes I skipped a ukulele jam to be on the water. Music is a high priority for me, but apparently boating is a higher one. Friday I worked for a couple of hours in the morning, then Tiffy and I met for lunch on State Street, and we ran into Toque McToque! Blast from the past! We went to the Early Music Festival participants’ concert (or, as one guy called it, “Amateur Hour”), where all the classes show off what they have been working on. Afterwards we hung out on the Union Terrace, then we had dinner al fresco at Fresco, a rooftop restaurant with a magnificent view of my church. We returned to the Early Music Festival for a concert of viol music, including a relatively clear explanation of quarter comma mean tone tuning by the harpsichord player. He did state that equal temperament is the enemy of all music in that it makes everything a little bit out of tune, but my regular readers already know my feelings on the evils of equal temperament.

Saturday morning Travalon and I met a bunch of people for coffee, including Rich, Tiffy, and OK Cap, then Rich and Tiffy left to work out so OK Cap, Travalon, and I wandered the sales of Maxwell Street Days. I bought some new Hawaiian shirts and freeze-dried ice cream, something I have wanted to try since someone brought some to my third-grade class and shared it with some other kids… but not me. You know, it was pretty tasty, like a hard marshmallow but creamy and Neapolitan flavored. Travalon and I went for a boat ride back into the marsh, then I met Tiffy, Rich, and some other Slow Food people for dinner at a pop-up restaurant. Really, it is only in existence for a week. We had these amazing British-style peas, Peking duck, and berry shortbread for dessert. It was all food the cook had gotten from the farmers’ market that morning, and it was so good! Then Tiffy and I went to the final concert of the Early Music Festival, pieces that were relevant to the writings of Cervantes, since this year’s theme was Don Quixote. Next year is “Journey to Lubeck,” and they promised lots of Buxtehude. Excellent!

Yesterday Travalon and I wanted to go to a Beatles brunch at a bar on the Square, but they only do it on Saturdays, so we went back to Plaka and sat outside on their wonderful patio again. Then we met Tiffy and the Daughter of Denni at Fete de Marquette to listen to a French/Hawaiian group. We ate some junk there, and afterwards I thought maybe Travalon and I should canoe to work it off, but instead we took our longest boat ride yet, to the shanties in Middleton right by our health club. We saw lots of huge houses, and one looked just like a castle! Plus we saw Bishop’s Bay, which is the part of the lake that the Betty Lou Cruises never go back into. Now I feel like I have seen the entirety of Lake Mendota from the water. Another thing off my bucket list, besides freeze-dried ice cream. What a satisfying weekend!

Famous Hat

Another CROSS Adventure

This evening Tiffy and I went to a vegan restaurant for dinner and then to a Baroque music concert a block away, mostly Bach but one violin concerto by Tartini.  The concert was at this venue:

Thanks to the anonymous young artist who created this incredibly detailed and accurate drawing of the interior of Trinity Lutheran Church on the back of a collection envelope.  Now imagine that instead of a minister, there are a bunch of string instruments in front of the altar.  That is what Citizens for the Return Of Sanity to Sound (CROSS) saw, and what did CROSS hear?  Sounds as divine as the setting!  No equal temperament to be found at this concert.  F minor, D minor, and E minor all had different colors, and G major in the Brandenberg Concerto #3 never sounded so bright and cheery.  What a fantastic concert!  CROSS and the other attendees (including some white guy with impressive dreadlocks sitting right behind us) gave the performers a standing ovation.  So remember:  when you want to hear Baroque music, be sure to request it equal temperament-free.  Both you and the music deserve better.

Famous Hat

CROSS in Love

This post brought to you by CROSS (Citizens for a Return Of Sanity to Sound).

Last night Tiffy and I went to a harpsichord concert at a local Protestant church. As we sat waiting for the concert to begin, I noted the very strange cross hanging over the sanctuary and commented that it looked as if it were decomposing.

"I could never go to church here," I told her. "I would be too distracted by that decomposing cross." To be fair, I did note that the hot Jesus in a lot of Catholic churches can be every bit as distracting, and Tiffy said she had never noticed Hot Jesus.

"Really?" I said. "He's always totally cut and mostly naked." I guess you know now which of us St. Peter will be turning away at the Pearly Gates...

Then the harpsichord player began playing, and if I were a cartoon character, I would have been just like the creature that sees an attractive member of the opposite gender, with its heart trying to burst out of its chest and its eyes popping out with heart-shaped pupils.

"I love love LOVE this temperament!" I whispered to Tiffy. The performer started talking about temperament, and he said he didn't want to make it a lecture on tuning, but I whispered to Tiffy, "YES! Make it a lecture on tuning!" Luckily someone sitting ahead of us asked the question I was dying to know, what temperament the harpsichord was tuned in. The performer said it didn't really have a name, it was a "well" temperament that he had modified to match the instrument. You can hardly get further from the cold efficiency of equal temperament, which is so far removed from the reality of sound. Tuning to match the instrument! What a concept! In this CROSS-approved (and -adored) temperament, each key had a clarity and color of its own, and D minor was particularly gorgeous. Afterwards I told Tiffy that I felt as if I'd been to a chiropractor for my brain, as if it had been realigned by listening to all that beautiful sound. Oh, when will we realize how much we have lost with equal temperament?

Famous Hat

Thursday is the New Friday

(this week only)

I regret to inform you that Arphaxad will be taking a week off from telling her story. I don't regret to inform you that she (and I) will be on vacation tomorrow. Yay! So to make up for it, I will give you an extra-long post today.

First, CROSS (Citizens for the Return Of Sanity to Sound) would like to remind you of what has become of society since the hostile takeover of the equal temperament tuning system at the beginning of the last century:

• two world wars
• abortion on demand
• no-fault divorce
• the rise of Communism
• reality TV

Clearly the time has come to take the bull by the horns and geld him! CROSS is a not-for-any-profit-whatsoever organization; it does not ask for money, only action.

And now, because I know you can't get enough of it: SPAM!!! First, it was nice knowing y'all, but I am off to buy my own tropical island, having won the National Lottery in some unspecified nation. See below:

Dear e-MAIL Winner,
Your email address won £850,000.00 GBP in this month NATIONAL LOTTERY E-mail online drew. To file for your claim, contact our agent Mr. Addison Mahir with the details below(Full Names, Contact Address, Country, Age, Sex, Occupation &
Telephone numbers) to this Email:ripoff@suckas.com

So here's what I said:

Full Names? Famous Hat, that's the only one I have but you can call me whatever you want... as long as you call me!
Contact Address? I no longer wear them, I have had LASIK surgery
Country? no thanks, I prefer hip hop
Age? old enough to know better
Sex? maybe, but send a photo first
Occupation? being a renowned piece of headware
Telephone number? KX-TG5480 is what it says on the front

But once again I cannot beat Hardingfele for bizarre spam:

Subject: Australia Order

Hello Sales,
I am interested in purchasing some of your products, I will like to know if you can ship directly to Australia, I also want you to know my mode of payment for this order is via Credit Card. Get back to me if you can ship to that destination and also if you accept the payment type I indicated. Kindly return this email with your Website.
I await your quick response.
Kind Regards.

Hardingfele (aka. "Sales") wasn't aware that she was selling anything, so she had never pondered the question of shipping it to Australia. I, however, do have something to sell Mr. Down Under: The Jugula! This handy little device is a spatula with a jug on the handle to hold syrup. There is no prototype yet, but there is a motto: "Go for the Jugula!" Tiffy has a product as well: a camping alarm clock called Tentinabulation. It sounds like bells, of course.

My office mate Toque (rhymes with puke, not poke) and I are fed up, so we were pleasantly surprised to see our horoscopes today. Here is Toque's:

Scorpio: Occult sciences such as alchemy, phrenology, and astrology could be singing their siren song to you, dear Scorpio. You like to think of yourself as down-to-earth and realistic, but today you could find so-called "unrealistic" fields of knowledge irresistible. You'll also have a special gift for them right now. Read up on the subject, and then give it a try. You might be surprised at what you discover.

Toque liked this. Her response: "I'm going to start hexing the s**t out of people!" She also liked mine, hoping she was the "young colleague," until getting to the part about health issues:

Capricorn: A young colleague could be leaving your place of employment under strange circumstances, dear Capricorn, and this could come as a shock to you. You may have been quite fond of this person and could find yourself wondering about the truth behind the departure. Gossip may be buzzing, but don't pay any attention to it. Chances are it's a health problem, but no one, including your colleague, feels comfortable discussing it.

I said maybe her occult studies would make her invisible, which could possibly be construed as a health issue. Are invisible people more or less healthy than the general population? Has a study been done yet? The plot thickened when a student hourly came in to commiserate, and we read her horoscope (Leo) which said something about a neighbor mysteriously vanishing. Too bad she and Toque aren't neighbors...

As far as yesterday on the Lolameter, first it was very bad because I was unable to secure a ride to Messiah practice and the bus would have gotten me there more than halfway through it, but then it was very good because my car key showed up... at my health club! Mad props to the anonymous Good Samaritan who turned it in there and to A-Joz for taking me there to pick it up. Today was neutral on the Lolameter; I missed the bus because I took too long dissecting a pomegranate for breakfast, but we had to take short lunches anyway so it evened out. Short lunches are part of why Toque and I are fed up, no pun intended.

Famous Hat

CROSS Manifesto

Today Citizens for the Return Of Sanity to Sound (CROSS) is posting its manifesto on my blog. CROSS has two simple goals:

1. Eradication of equal temperament. Sound is a physical reality governed by mathematical laws, but you wouldn't know that from equal temperament. It just chops the octave into twelve identical bits and calls it a day, not caring how these intervals actually sound.

2. Elimination of the Key of Gb Major. I'm sorry, but there is no need for this key to exist. SIX flats??? That's just being greedy. Come on, move it up half a step and put it in G Major.

The time to act is now, and here is what you can do:

Write your congressman (woman, thing, whatever) about this problem.

Retune pianos into extended sixth-comma mean tone.

Graffiti. Me, I have always thought graffiti was kind of cool. Now I would never advocate defacing a beautiful stone, brick, or wooden building, but one cannot be said to "deface" something that was never "faced" in the first place, if you see what I mean. Ugly concrete buildings (for example, the music school at our local university) are practically screaming to be covered with spray-painted slogans such as: "Equal Temperament is Pure Evil," "Gb Major is for Losers," and of course "Return to Sanity - Return to Sixth-Comma Mean Tone!" In fact, watch this space for possible video footage of me decorating the music school with such maxims. (Or wimping out and writing it in chalk on the sidewalk...)

Famous Hat

So Much for Karma!

Yes, I have yet another hornet story - this time, Saturday afternoon as I sat on my balcony, peacefully doing word game puzzles, a yellow jacket stung me on the left arm. It was completely unprovoked! So much for my good bug karma from helping that big black hornet... I went into the house to find an onion to apply to the sting but could only come up with a dessicated, ancient leek so I put some baking soda on it instead. THEN I noticed the evil wasp was still hanging out on my Hawaiian shirt! So I squished it with my comb. Then I went over to Richard Bonomo's house, where A-Fooze was making Hungarian chicken for him, Anna Banana II, Kathbert, and me, and A-Fooze was able to provide me with a small piece of onion. Then Kathbert arrived, and she had just been stung on the thigh by a yellow jacket while she was out biking! She suggested we use ammonia, so Rich gave us some and we went outside to apply it, since it reeks. The epicenter of the sting swelled up pretty badly right away, but by the next day it was fine.

But you are probably more interested in hearing about my drunken bike ride than my wasp sting. Friday morning I decided to save myself the trouble of biking up the hill to the birthday girl's house (she actually lives on Hilltop Road!) but it was so much effort getting Eusebius into Erin Caitlyn O'Honda that I was already sweaty by the time I arrived... and then I put the front wheel back on wrong so it was pretty difficult biking to the first stop! Luckily the birthday girl's father Dennii was able to fix my mistake, so then Eusebius was the smoothest ride ever. We biked all over town, ringing bells and honking horns and squirting each other with water guns. We stopped at several bars and several houses and had a big water fight. At a New Orleans-style restaurant, the birthday girl had a shot of sake that came from a bottle with an enormous rattlesnake in it. Freaky! She said it started sweet and then had a kick. After eleven hours of this, some people were still going strong (and many others had left), but I was worn out so I called Rich to come get me and Eusebius in the Bonomobile. (Also, I didn't have a light so I was afraid of being ticketed by the bike cops.) Rich had just come back from a visit to the Mothership, so he had lots of baklava. (He said as he was leaving, the Mothership said, "Rich, you're getting fat! Here, have some baklava.")

Saturday night I went to a "Leo party," which was supposed to be a birthday party for "all the Leos," but it seemed that the host was the only Leo there. Most of the other guests were Brazilian, and they sang and played Brazilian music and made delicious Brazilian food. (Sorry to tell you this, Hardingfele, but it seems like in Brazil they mostly eat meat.) (Which made Rich very happy to hear!) There was actually a guy there who knew all about tuning systems; he said he tuned his piano in (yuck!) equal temperament, his harpsichord in Werckmeister, and his clavichord in sixth-comma mean tone. He also told me a local piano seller HATES equal temperament (cool!) and tunes pianos to seventh-comma mean tone, which I'd never heard of. But hey, at least it's not equal temperament! But if you think sparks flew between me and this man, you are wrong because I am made of some kind of non-flammable material.

Famous Hat

Another Letter from Dracaena to Obama

My plant is at it again! It has written yet another letter to President Obama:

Dear President Obama:

I realize that you are a very busy human and have not had time to address my question about floral representation in the Zodiac, but no matter. I have another matter that your administration should address: the abiding evil of Equal Temperament. The person who waters me is trained as a piano tuner, and she has informed me that a “tuned” piano, when it is in equal temperament, is in fact not in tune at all. The major thirds are so wide that I don’t know how you humans can stand it! I would like to propose a law that all music written before 1900 be played in extended sixth-comma mean tone, and anyone found playing it in equal temperament should be subject to much public ridicule. Thank you very much for your kind attention to the concerns of a humble houseplant, and remember: Just say no to Equal Temperament!

Sincerely,
Dracaena Marginata

That crazy plant! Why did I ever teach it to type?

Famous Hat

Vengeance of the Mad Tuner

You can tell we are living in strange times when your friends realize you are desperately ill not because they haven't seen you in days, but because you haven't blogged in days. Still, I appreciate people contacting me to ask, "Are you still alive? You haven't blogged in two days!" The answer: yes, now; previously, barely. At Early Music Camp I seem to have caught an Early Music Virus, probably from all the people who arrived on airplanes because, as everyone knows, airplanes are the #1 cause of colds. At least for me they seem to be! However, a coworker wisely pointed out that, instead of blaming the planes, I should be looking closer to home - at the didgeridoo currently giving out good feng shui in the corner of my bedroom. After all, it sat out in a bin full of didgeridoos during the three-day street sale extravaganza, and since it was the most attractive one, maybe lots of people tried to play it. Who knows? Maybe it was from my "instructor," a white girl with dreadlocks and a decorative piece of translucent melon-colored plastic through her nose. Who can say what germs she might have carried?

Anyway, I am currently on the mend and pondering a new raison d'etre as the Scarlet Pimpernel of Tuning. After all, who would be better qualified? I already know how to tune pianos - wrong - so if I can master extended sixth-comma meantone, I can stealthily retune every piano I come across. Maybe then Beethoven will finally sound good! One of the most excruciating two hours of my life was attending a Beethoven Piano Concerto Contest, but all those people were playing a piano tuned to equal temperament, which was not a concept Beethoven would have been familiar with. He was long since deaf by the time anyone even proposed the idea, so he never had to hear his music played in such an awful temperament. Would that we were so lucky!

Famous Hat

No Tiki Tumblers but Plenty of Plastic Papyrus

I survived Early Music Camp and am now back at work. What I learned about tuning confirms so much of what I have observed about music over the years, like why I preferred minor key music or harmonies in fourths and fifths over major thirds, yet in folk music and early music major keys seemed fine. What I propose is that either we return to a more sane tuning system, such as extended sixth-comma mean tone, or that we stop using the major third which is so decimated in equal temperament, and go back to using only fourths, fifths, and minor thirds. Why major-key music gained such ascendency in modern music when it sounds so awful in modern tuning is beyond me, but I guess it fits with the general preference for ugliness in art during the 20th century, so obvious in visual art and architecture. It's time we stand up and fight this scourge upon modern music! Especially when there are so many remedies.

Yesterday Tiffy and I went downtown to the sidewalk sales and bought really practical things like jewelry, Hawaiian shirts, and a didgeridoo that I will someday figure out how to play, even if currently I can only get it to make a sound like a conch shell. Ah well, at least it has stylized carvings of geckos and turtles on it, and the saleswoman (who patiently tried to teach me how to play it) said I can set it in a corner because vertical bamboo in a corner is good feng shui. (As if my house has any kind of feng shui going for it!) Then we sat outside drinking tropical drinks, and then we went to the Random Store, which sells everything. Among its various wares it has tiki wind chimes and tiki candles, but - can you BELIEVE it? - no tiki tumblers! My parents have some attractive tiki drinking glasses that are quite old, but when I inquired about them, they said my brother had already asked for them. Bummer. The most surprising thing I saw was a plastic papyrus plant complete with plastic clover growing around the base, which shocked me because my Nola (the papyrus plant that came back with me from New Orleans) has a trefoil plant growing around the base. I didn't think it was actually clover but some sort of oxalis, but internet research revealed no connection between papyrus and either clover or oxalis. However, there is a kind of fern called "water clover" because of its resemblance to clover, although it is typically four-leafed. I will have to inspect my "New Orleans shamrock" more closely, because it does unfurl each new leaf like a fern, but I could have sworn it had three leaflets, not four.

Also, the banjo player does not want to be known on this blog as "the banjo player" but she has no suggestions for an alternate name. Does anyone else?

Famous Hat

The Downfall of Western Music

At Early Music Camp I took a class with Ross Duffin, who wrote the book How Equal Temperament Ruined Harmony (and Why You Should Care), which I highly recommend. All three of my faithful readers have been listening to me rant about this all week, so now it's officially time to blog about it: Equal temperament is Pure Evil. It completely destroyed the major third, and if you don't want to take my word for it, read the book. This explains why I have hated major key music all my life!

The greatest revelation for me was when Dr. Duffin played a piano piece by Schubert in extended sixth-comma meantone, which is not only the tuning system he recommends (and I concur!), but also actually what most of these composers were writing in. It actually sounded GOOD! I am not a big fan of the Romantic era composers, but maybe it is our modern tuning system I object to and not the music itself. After all, Schubert probably never meant for his music to be played in equal temperament. Though many were advocating it at that time, it seems most musicians were still aware of other meantone systems and preferred them well into the early 20th century. It is laziness and convenience that makes us now favor equal temperament. It divides the octave into twelve equal sections, so that G# and Ab are the same note when Ab should be higher than G#. It makes for a simple 88-key piano that is fairly simple to tune... as long as you are willing to tune it out of tune! (Trust me on this - I studied piano tuning for several semesters.) The human ear is more forgiving of the stretching of the minor third for some reason, which explains why, until I discovered music in historical tuning, I only liked minor key music.

An entire discussion of tuning systems and the evils of equal temperament is not possible right now, since I have to go sing in a minute, but it is much like always eating fast food and then trying REAL food for the first time: initially it may seem a little strange, but you quickly realize how much better it is, and then you can never go back. Extended sixth-comma meantone is like gruyere; equal temperament is like Velveeta.

Famous Hat