[Your Candidate Here] for President!

In high school when they announced the winner of the class president election, a girl who sat next to me hollered, "Woo-hoo! I voted for him because he's got the coolest hair!" and I thought to myself, "And next year she'll be voting for President of the United States!?" But we live in a democracy, and you are entitled to your vote, no matter how shallow and ignorant you are. So exercise that right and vote next week!

Who should get your vote? There are many factors to weigh: boring considerations like "stands on the issues," cool hair of course, and that ineffable je ne sais quois which I like to call "Keepin' 'Em On Their Toes." The problem is that, in this election, the principle of KEOTT favors both candidates to some degree. For instance, the Diaper Argument (politicians should be changed regularly or they get full of you-know-what) would favor Obama, since he is from the party opposite of that which has held the presidency for the past eight years. On the other hand, Gridlock favors McCain; after all, both parties stink, but in different areas, so to keep either one from inflicting too much damage, make sure the Executive and Legislative branches are controlled by opposing parties. Currently the Democrats control Congress, and they might well gain even more control this election cycle, and wouldn't that be Congross? The American people tend to gravitate toward Gridlock; witness the Republican takeover of Congress in 1994 and the Democratic sweep in 2002. My guess is that if Obama wins this election, you can look for an enormous House (and Senate) cleaning in 2010. This has history to recommend it - look how well the economy steamed along when Clinton and the Congressional Republicans were busy keeping each other from accomplishing too much!

While I will refrain from endorsing either candidate in this current election, my goldfish Arphaxad and Amminadab would like to remind you that this would be an ideal time to restore the ichthyocracy, so they would like you to vote for Cthulhu in 2008. Why choose a lesser evil?

Famous Hat