Tuesday, January 6, 2009

I'm Growing ePlushtrated!

Hardingfele sent me the Unitarian Jihad's Manifesto:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL

This is some scary stuff. Maybe it's time to stop telling all those Unitarian jokes, like what do you get if you cross a Unitarian with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who knocks on your door but they aren't sure why. Or this one: what do you get if you cross a Unitarian with a Ku Klux Klansman? Someone who burns a question mark on your front lawn! Yes, the Unitarians mean business and so the time to mock them may soon be at an end.

Yesterday Hardingfele bought me another ePlush animal for my birthday, this one a little black puppy. She is very cute, but Hardingfele refused to let me name her Aethelflad after the Anglo-Saxon queen, so I had to think of another name for her. Rock Star Tailor had many suggestions, as she always does (she suggested "Gallipoo" for Bellamy), and Hardingfele liked Onyx when I tossed it out, but I wanted to call her Josquin after my hero, Josquin de Prez. Not only could he compose incredible sacred music, he also often wrote the lyrics and incorporated acrostics into them, so that the first letter of each line would spell something out. (In at least one case, a naughty expression!) His secular pieces are as hilarious as his sacred pieces are transcendent. Some are suggestive, and one is a shout-out to all his drinking buddies followed by his assurance that he can outdrink them all. Also, he was renowned for being able to sing a very low F. One of his pieces is a clever canon written in a circle, with a poem in Latin giving the oblique instructions in how to sing it, and then it's just gorgeous. Why are people not so smart and well-rounded today? Two letters: TV.

So I decided to name my ePlush puppy Josquin d'Onyx, but wouldn't you know that ePlush does not let you use an apostrophe in your animal's name? (Would that real human names were so strict! Then children would not be saddled with atrocities like Z'Xayla and X'Zavier, actual names I have seen at BigBadBabyNames.com, not a website for the weak of heart.) Apparently a hyphen is allowed, which seems sort of random, so I could have named my puppy Josquin-Onyx or even just mushed the two names together into something worthy of Big Bad Baby Names: Josquonyx. But I ended up naming her the rather awkward Josquin de Onyx. So now she joins Sylvia the Pseudo-Hedgehog and Bellamy the Horse online, and many other stuffies in my house offline. (No TV, either. Maybe I'll be the next Josquin de Prez! Or at least the next Tolkein, since he and I share a birthday.) I suppose Josquin de Onyx isn't so bad, maybe just a little pretentious. I know of ePlush animals named Little Moo (guess what species she is), Popsicle, and potentially a tiger named Oskeer. (If I am even spelling that correctly. Hardingfele will probably let me know.)

So here's a little poem for my new puppy:

Just a puppy
Onyx black, it's
Soft and cuddly
Quite a racket!
Unless you are
In thrall to cute
New animals,
Don't chase this loot!
One's not enough;
Next thing you do,
You'll have your own
X-tra soft little zoo!

Famous Hat

1 comment:

Olivia said...

Yes www.bigbadbabynames.com is not for the faint of heart. This is where name freaks go thru public birth records and gather the worst names possible. Anything goes - hyphens, periods, apostrophes and sadly some kids are name as if their parents got a scrabble hand and tried to make a word out of it. Yes there may be an Oskeer in the wings, a potential Vinny or a Buddy. But I hesitate to buy any more plusheria for Rockstartailor because she wants to stave the virtual ePlush. I dont think that's nice. The ePlush are still perky and friendly even if they are not fed. I think the ePlush should get progressively nastier as they are starved as in "feed me beyotch."

I leave you with a big bad baby name I made up - perhaps for your next webkinz Plurshequa