Pick Your Path: State Worker

When I was a kid, those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books were all the rage. They were all written in the second person, and approximately once every two pages you were faced with a choice to make. If you chose Option A, you would turn to page 34 and die. If you chose Option B, you would turn to page 35 and not die for several more pages. Tiffy loved those books, but I hated having to make decisions AND I hated dying, even if only in a book I could easily shut.

Now that I am older and not so afraid of virtual death, I think it is high time to update this concept for adults. Since “Choose Your Own Adventure” might be a copyright phrase, this is called “Pick Your Path: State Worker.”

You are a state worker who has already passed probation. Your boss asks you to remove the staples from a pile of papers he inadvertently stapled together. If you cheerfully do what he asks, turn to Option A. If you refuse to do what he asks, turn to Option B. If you take the pile of papers but somehow never get around to unstapling them, turn to Option C.

Option A: Go to Option D.

Option B: Go to Option D.

Option C: Go to Option D.

Option D: You get a mediocre annual review and a 0.5% raise once the Union and the state legislature get done wrangling. But then because the state is running a deficit, you get a 5% cut in pay, undoing your last ten years' worth of raises.

Famous Hat