Monday, February 8, 2010

Hidden Menaces: Castles and Communion Wafers

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was a painful first quarter and a much improved second quarter, then after some geezers staggered across the stage sort of singing, Hardingfele and I had to go to mandatory band practice. The moment mandatory band practice was over, we climbed back into my car, Erin Caitlyn O'Honda, and turned on the radio to find out the SAINTS WENT MARCHING IN!!! Yeah!!! Usually I don't care about the Super Bowl once my team is out of contention, but even a die-hard cheesehead can wear a fleur-de-lis for the city she loves. Still, it blows chunks that we missed the following: an offside kick, a two-point conversion, and an interception run back for a touchdown. Ah well, the point is, they WON!!!

For those who are concerned about my little creatures, let me assure you that they all survived my vacation. Arphaxad and Amminadab were barely visible in their green water, but once I cleaned out their bowl, they were the same as ever. Sylvia made her happy little squeaky sounds she only makes when I return from a long trip or guinea pigs move out of the house, and Charlie has a slight cold but is fine otherwise and very happy to see me. Cashmere was a little resentful at first, but the other day she let me cuddle her for a solid minute and a half, which has got to be a record.

Good thing I have Toque McToque to warn me about the many dangers in the world. The other day she sent me an article about a group of people expending much energy to protest the GLUTINOUS COMMUNION WAFERS OF DOOM. Seriously, those things are so tiny that I imagine the low-glutin ones that are 0.01% glutin couldn't kill anyone, and anyway you can always receive wine. However, that did make me think how underutilized communion wafers have been in horror flicks. I mean, when was the last time you saw a movie about GLUTINOUS COMMUNION WAFERS OF DOOM destroying the earth? And then Toque sent me another article about the British government zealously fighting to protect the citizenry from a... CASTLE!! *Gasp* No! Can you believe a private citizen had the unmitigated gall to endanger the entire human race by building a castle?? The British government is so incensed that it is demanding he tear it down. This menace is so stealthy that none of the neighbors thought to complain about the lovely Tudor-style building with stained-glass windows and two turrets, but that's why we have government, right? To protect us from the dangers lurking all around us that we don't even notice? So be careful out there. It's a big, bad world filled with glutinous communion wafers and unapproved castles.

Famous Hat

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