Letter to the President

Exactly two weeks ago, my dracaena marginata (see below) took it upon itself to write to President Obama. Below is the text of its letter.

Figure 1: Dracaena Marginata

(scanned by Famous Hat)

Dear President Obama:

I am wondering what your administration plans to do about the lack of floral representation in the Zodiac. All the signs are animals or people (except for Libra, which is an inanimate object), which is very kingdomist. I would appreciate more plant representation! We clean your air, we grow your food, and we beautify your landscapes, and yet you would rather be represented by a crab or a virgin?? I realize that you, as a Lion, are probably satisfied with your sign, but would an oak tree not be just as cool? Or some kind of exotic orchid? If you do implement any policy changes regarding zodiac signs, please make sure that Capricorn is a palm tree. That would make the person who waters me very happy. Remember: Capricorn = Palm Tree. Thank you very much for your kind attention to the concerns of a humble houseplant.

Sincerely,

Dracaena Marginata

Figure 2: Capricorn the Palm Tree

(photo credit: Palm Tree Fan)

Palm Tree Fan: maybe Aries can be another kind of palm tree, since there are lots of kinds.

Figure 3: Aries the Other Kind of Palm Tree

(photo credit: Palm Tree Fan)

Oddly enough, to date Dracaena has not received a reply. It was very much hoping for some sort of form letter that had nothing to do with its original policy question. Richard Bonomo once wrote to President Clinton to thank him for letting the Pope use his helicopter, and a few weeks later he received a generic form letter thanking him for his support of Clinton. Since Rich is a die-hard Republican, he was not exactly a huge supporter of Bill Clinton. However, no matter what our political affiliation, I think we can all agree that George Clinton is the Ultimate Funk Monarch of All Time, and if you don't believe me, go listen to "Flashlight." I'll wait.

When I mentioned to Hardingfele that it was very disappointing not to have received a reply from the President, she said, "He doesn't reply to crazy people." So then I had to point out to her that he wouldn't be responding to a crazy PERSON but a crazy PLANT. Perhaps that is the source of his apathy: plants can't vote. Maybe Dracaena should take up plant suffrage as its next cause. As if it didn't have enough suffrage when I scanned it...

Famous Hat