Regret

First of all, I would like to wish Richard Bonomo a very happy birthday today. Now forgive me - I suppose being snowed in again is making me wax philosophical, but sometimes I get very sad about never having had children. The one I feel most that I let down is that mysterious mother of mine who came over from Africa in chains, and her descendent who made the dangerous decision to pass as white. Did she know that someday she would have a distant daughter who looks very white, with all the unfair advantages that confers? Somehow I always knew; somehow our histories are written in our genes in ways science cannot yet explain. When I was in college, I dreamed that I was invited to join a society of women of African descent. "There must be some mistake," I thought, but I went, and everyone seemed to accept me. At the time I had no idea what the dream meant; I had no idea it was the actual story of my past. And even stranger, I somehow knew it was Nigeria. (You can ask Travalon how long I have been pestering him to visit Nigeria.) This story of mine will not be passed on to further generations, and for that I feel deep regret.

Then I think of how many other living things never got to pass on their genes either, the seedlings that grew in the wrong spot and the baby birds eaten by crows. I am still a part of the web of life, even if I am not adding to it. And how many generations will come after me? I just read that they think 40% of insect species are on the verge of extinction. Insects, y'all. Those things can survive just about anything, but apparently they can't survive us. If we are so cruel to our brothers and sisters in the human race, why would we be any kinder to our other brothers and sisters who share our planet? I recently read a quote (unfortunately I can't remember the source): "God always forgives, humans sometimes forgive, but Nature never forgives." I can feel that the hour is growing late, we should have been working to prevent this destruction long before today. On the other hand, now that there is apparently no longer a nuclear weapons treaty, maybe there will be a nuclear war, and the ensuing nuclear winter will cancel out all the global warming. When did we forget that all life is sacred? And what will it take to remind us?

Famous Hat