Free Gig

Here is a gig I was unable to participate in earlier this week due to Date Night with Jesus. This is Hardingfele’s description and does not necessarily represent the views of other band members, especially Banjo Player. (Who has promised to tell me her version of events tomorrow.) But she said I could post this as long as everyone knows it is Hardingfele’s opinion, and it is too funny not to post. This story is much funnier if you know that Eql Rights is a lesbian, and that she insisted that the rest of the band stay after the free gig for the speaker.

Banjo player, Hardingfele, Lutefisk Lover and Eql Rights got into Banjo player’s car and drove to the nonpaid gig Eql Rights had gotten for us. We got there very early and proceeded to play a few tunes.  It was a town hall literally in the middle of nowhere.  The ladies all wore pastels and there was no one younger than 55.   We had a typical church basement meal of pasta salad, beans, corn and pork sandwiches [n.b. Hardingfele is a vegetarian] and then we played some more. Hardingfele played her hardanger fiddle as well and the ladies enjoyed this Norwegian musical interlude.  Then we all introduced ourselves.  Hardingfele talked about her feral cat work and asked anyone with unsterilized felines to see her after the performance, because she had low cost spay neuter connections. Lutefisk lover mentioned her grandchildren and her musical experience.  Banjo player talked about her professional musician husband and her stressful UW job and said that playing the banjo was her getting to do something bad!  Eql Rights recalled how the band was started and then tactlessly said that the band just loves getting paid for gigs.  Hardingfele was mortified and embarrassed, because after all this was a free gig.  Then the speaker came on. Let’s call her Stealth Altar Call.  She started talking about her travels and then segued into her life story with its shares of tragedies and happiness and ended with asking all of us to come forward and receive Jesus and be saved.  Hardingfele felt vindicated, because she vigorously protested to Lutefisk Lover and Eql Rights about having to stay for the speaker.  Everyone in the band felt very uncomfortable with the speaker and how a group that was described as non religious actually was.  We got gifts of yummy lemon bread, but with it came a little booklet on salvation. Stealth religion again.   Afterwards, Hardingfele evangelized the ladies on cat sterilization and handed out business cards with a low cost fix program. It was a tit for tat.  They give us salvation booklets and they get spay neuter cards in return!  When we got into Banjo Player’s car, decorated with recall Walker and supporting gay marriage stickers, we realized that we all felt very Madtown and very out of place.  So we hightailed it back to Madtown.  Turns out that Eql Rights’ brazen request for money netted a collection of 30 bucks that we split among the 4 of us.

Famous Hat