Last night Kathbert was telling Richard Bonomo and me a hilarious story about how she was tricked into going to visit a guy's family, "and they used the German silver!" It's her story so I shouldn't tell the whole thing here, but it was far more impressive than the several times I have been tricked into going on dates. For example, how was I supposed to know that going to "Three Penny Opera" with a man old enough to be my father who claimed to have an extra ticket because of extenuating circumstances would be construed in his mind as a date? Or that going to the free zoo in the afternoon with a friend of a friend would somehow turn into "everyone knows we are seeing each other"? While Ubi Caritas and I did get dangerously close to nuptials, I was actually only proposed to once, and that was clearly a joke: my Indonesian roommate and I were sitting by the lake one evening with her Turkish friend, and he suddenly said, "What a wonderful day! I wish it could last forever!" and turned to her and asked, "Will you marry me?" Before she could reply, he turned to me and asked, "Will you marry me?" (Since he is Moslem, that meant he still had two more women he could propose to.) We were all laughing and then he said, "Here comes Mr. Icon!" and I thought to myself, That man really does know everyone! (Mr. Icon claims a friend was visiting a big city when a homeless guy sat right next to him on the train and asked where he was from. When he heard the answer, he said, "Really? Then you must know Mr. Icon!")
I cannot say if there will be wedding bells in my future, although Luxuli is trying her hardest to find men for all us single ladies, but here is a true story from someone who had wedding bells in her very recent past: Light Bright. She told me this morning that there was ivory in the bouquets she and her bridesmaids carried, and I didn't know what to think of that so I just responded, "Oh, uh-huh," or something equally as intelligent. Then she said that one bridesmaid had planted the ivory for her and now it was growing. I said, "WHAT??" and she said, "You know, ivory? It's a vine?" and I said, "IVY?? Ivory is what elephant tusks are made of!" Sometimes I really wonder what her native language is, like last week when she said, "I am so hungry! I am just ravished!" When I explained what she had just said, she was embarrassed but said, "Isn't there a word that sounds like that but that means hungry?" so I thought a moment and realized she had simply combined the words "famished" and "ravenous," which sounds innocuous enough until you mean to tell your office mate that you simply must get something to eat but instead you tell her you have been violated. I will say this: having Light Bright as as office mate is endternally entermusing!