“That’s what I’m here for,” I replied. “But they’re in a secret location for their protection, so you must forget everything you’ve seen here today.”
Then I led him to a locked closet in which there had been a locked cabinet containing the aforementioned cups, never mind what I may think about people learning to bring their own coffee mugs to work. (Then I’d just have to train them to wash them out.) But to my consternation, the cabinet was gone. GONE!! Who could have stolen it, and why? The keys were still safely hidden in my office. Had the culprit been coveting the cabinet itself, or the cups therein?
There are few leads in the case. Suspect Number One is the janitorial staff, and I have served them with a subpoena entitled Work Order Request #S033605. So far there has been no response on their part.
Toque McToque has been on the case, rounding up suspects, but she has had no luck eliciting information either. Here is a typical interrogation:
Toque: I see that you studied a language while you were here.
Suspect: I took a class in Tasmanian American studies.
Toque: No, I mean a foreign language.
Suspect: Oh yeah, I took Zulu.
But this has gotten us no closer to solving the case. Our only break was when we discovered that someone had been keeping Keith the Plant confined in a plastic cup in order to create a bonsai dracaena. Of course, these were Styrofoam cups that were stolen, but possibly someone out there is plotting to grow an entire army of bonsai dracaenas. It is imperative that Toque and I stop him (her? it?) before this nightmare can become a reality. Please leave a comment with any information you may have that could be relevant to this case.
Keith the Plant: Not a Suspect
Famous Hat, Private Eye
2 comments:
You have to start waterboarding your section
Oh man, don't tempt me! I dream of waterboarding some of them every night!
WV: ovaby - an ectopic pregnancy
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