Wednesday, May 19, 2010

A Night at the Fake Irish Pub

Last night I went to a restaurant which is both a "stealth chain" and a fake Irish pub. (For the record, I didn't choose where dinner would be.) A number of other people were there, including the Capricorn from Oklahoma (hereafter known as "OK Cap"). I had a liquid meal of a bowl of clam chowder and a pint of stout, and when the waiter brought our bill with a little suggestion card, that REAL Irish stout kicked in and I had to fill it out. The first question: Date. So I wrote, "No, just friends." OK Cap laughed and said, "I can't wait to see what you write on the other side!" I said, "I'll get there in a minute."

They wanted comments so I provided the following comments: "If your card store frog croaks, can you get a refund?" and, "Like I always say, never repeat yourself." Then they asked what I would like to see on the menu in the future, and since someone at the table had just mentioned getting some haggis in a can, that was an obvious choice. OK Cap watched with interest because she couldn't wait to see what I would write on the other side of the card.

The back side of the card asked for suggestions. In the spirit of making the fake Irish pub more authentic, I happily gave them the following suggestions:

* holographic palm trees
* Easter Island heads that shoot whiskey out of their noses
* silver ketchup
* free drinks for all Capricorns (OK Cap approves of this one)
* a priest in case we need to go to Confession
* a shark tank
* complimentary Fake Irish Pub umbrellas
* menus in Gaelic (suggested by the guy to my left)
* a Fake Irish Pub radio station, which would only play hip hop
* more room on the suggestion card

Our waiter loved my suggestions and promised to share them with his manager. He even promised that they would be implemented by the next time I darkened the door of Fake Irish Pub. I figure it's only fair to give them three or four months, so look for a report on the updated look at Fake Irish Pub sometime in August.

Famous Hat

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